I really don't want to be writing about this. I'm not sure if I'm ready but sometimes you gotta do shit you don't like so you can feel even a little better about it afterward and I want it to be as raw as possible. I've been facing some harsh realities for the last couple of years now about the health of certain family members, specifically my grandparents. All of which I am still lucky to have in my life. I don't see or talk to them as often as I should or would prefer, as is the case with a lot of people I'm sure. Is it regrettable? It can be. Is it avoidable? Absolutely. Life has a knack of getting in the way, and suddenly it's been weeks and/or months since you've seen or talked to the people who helped shape your childhood and your life. It is something that still poses a challenge for me.
Now my grandparents are in varying stages of failing health. Both on my mother's side are in a care home, with grandpa recently being hospitalized with what is believed to be Parkinson's and grandma has bad dementia. My dad's parents, however, still live in the same house that my dad and aunts grew up in and I'm honestly not sure that they'll ever leave. Grandma has been on oxygen for years, while grandpa seems invincible. Still getting out and golfing and curling and doing yard work, and he's in his 90s! However, even he was hospitalized for a short time last year. I was extremely thankful that I was able to visit with all of them on my recent trip back home in May and June.
Now I'm not naive to have ever thought that they're all going to be around forever, however as earlier mentioned, I've been facing harsh realities, especially in light of recent events. My grandfather on my mother's side has had balance issues for years now, with an increasing number of falls lately. The most recent of which put him in the hospital. He seems to have been the one of the four to decline the quickest and has lead to him not recognizing my mom while she was in the room, or even realizing I was there when I went to see him after I flew home in May. This has put immense stress on the immediate family, namely my mom, brother, aunt and uncle. Now I realize there is nothing I can do from here and that they can handle things, and knowing that he is proud of what I'm doing and talks about me all the time helps me feel better about the situation. As well as I can anyway because hearing that he talks about me as much as he apparently does also serves as a trigger for negative emotions. Even sitting here typing this out. Coming to terms with certain truths and inevitabilities has been extremely difficult for me lately and has consumed most of my thoughts.
As I get ready for school to start tomorrow, I've been reminding myself that life goes on, no matter what happens. We're all on our own paths and while it sucks that these people in my life are sick, they've lived full lives that should be celebrated even while they're still with us.
-KJM
