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      I really don't want to be writing about this. I'm not sure if I'm ready but sometimes you gotta do shit you don't like so you can feel even a little better about it afterward and I want it to be as raw as possible. I've been facing some harsh realities for the last couple of years now about the health of certain family members, specifically my grandparents. All of which I am still lucky to have in my life. I don't see or talk to them as often as I should or would prefer, as is the case with a lot of people I'm sure. Is it regrettable? It can be. Is it avoidable? Absolutely. Life has a knack of getting in the way, and suddenly it's been weeks and/or months since you've seen or talked to the people who helped shape your childhood and your life. It is something that still poses a challenge for me.


      Now my grandparents are in varying stages of failing health. Both on my mother's side are in a care home, with grandpa recently being hospitalized with what is believed to be Parkinson's and grandma has bad dementia. My dad's parents, however, still live in the same house that my dad and aunts grew up in and I'm honestly not sure that they'll ever leave. Grandma has been on oxygen for years, while grandpa seems invincible. Still getting out and golfing and curling and doing yard work, and he's in his 90s! However, even he was hospitalized for a short time last year. I was extremely thankful that I was able to visit with all of them on my recent trip back home in May and June.


      Now I'm not naive to have ever thought that they're all going to be around forever, however as earlier mentioned, I've been facing harsh realities, especially in light of recent events. My grandfather on my mother's side has had balance issues for years now, with an increasing number of falls lately. The most recent of which put him in the hospital. He seems to have been the one of the four to decline the quickest and has lead to him not recognizing my mom while she was in the room, or even realizing I was there when I went to see him after I flew home in May. This has put immense stress on the immediate family, namely my mom, brother, aunt and uncle. Now I realize there is nothing I can do from here and that they can handle things, and knowing that he is proud of what I'm doing and talks about me all the time helps me feel better about the situation. As well as I can anyway because hearing that he talks about me as much as he apparently does also serves as a trigger for negative emotions. Even sitting here typing this out. Coming to terms with certain truths and inevitabilities has been extremely difficult for me lately and has consumed most of my thoughts.


      As I get ready for school to start tomorrow, I've been reminding myself that life goes on, no matter what happens. We're all on our own paths and while it sucks that these people in my life are sick, they've lived full lives that should be celebrated even while they're still with us.

-KJM

Toronto

      As the one year mark of my move approaches, I thought I'd share a few of my favourite things (so far) about the city that I now call home.


      Now those who don't know me very well may just think that I moved here because I'm such a huge Blue Jays fan. That obviously made my choice easier, however, it wasn't the sole reason I chose Toronto. What was attractive initially was the opportunities I saw for myself after graduation. I've always been drawn to the big city and even though I hail from a prairie province, I've never been "small town."


      One of the things I find unique about this city is how welcoming it is, yet unsociable at the same time. And I don't mean that in a negative sense. I've never been made to feel uncomfortable here or not at home. I come from a place where I'm used to striking up a conversation with a stranger because that's just who I am, and having that person not be weirded out and actually engage in chat. That doesn't happen here. At least not as often and it was a different experience, but not an unacceptable one. More like, "okay that's how they do it here." The city is so welcoming, it has taken in many refugees and asylum seekers (political opinions aside) and has exhausted its resources and asked the federal government for more assistance. With many of those refugees having stayed in the building I'm living in this summer. I think it is a fantastic thing that these people and families are choosing this great city to start building a better quality of life. It truly is a very inclusive and culturally diverse place.


      I didn't get out and experience the city the way I wanted during the school year, I was too focused on not falling flat on my face that I hardly got out. But I've tried to make the most of my summer and that includes discovering Kensington Market. Tara and I were looking to get out and do something one day, and while it was supposed to rain that day, we went anyways just to check it out. She got to experience her first ever ride on a streetcar and we both got to experience an energetic neighbourhood like never before. What struck me as the most unique, was while there were chain restaurants and such just outside the market, there was nothing like that inside the market. A lot of small locally owned stores, cafes, organic grocery stores, pubs and much more. Not a single Starbucks, Timmies, McDonald's, etc., which made it feel much homier. The streets are open for pedestrians, closing only for the odd vehicle traffic and music from buskers and open-doored shops echoes throughout the market. It is a very peaceful part of the city.


      One thing that was on my non-existent bucket list of things to experience, and it may seem odd to some, was my own view of the city skyline from the harbour. I knew there were boat tours and such but I never looked into it. My lovely lady found a Groupon deal and booked a ride after a baseball game. While the boat didn't travel far, it still made its way up the harbour and allowed for some pretty spectacular views and pictures of the skyline, both before sunset and after it got dark. Capping off what was a pretty great first summer here and it isn't over yet. There is never a shortage of things to experience in this wonderful city and I'm glad that I can call it home and have it feel the same way.


     

Changes

     It's been over three years since I've posted here, but it is something I'm going to consciously try and keep up with on a weekly basis. It's not hard, I know that. I've just admittedly been lazy. I look back at previous posts and my similar claims to keep up with this and laugh and think to myself, "who are you kidding? What's to say you won't do the same thing and flat out forget about it for another three years?" Not this time.


     I'm not going to sit here and give everyone a run down of my life story during the last three years because let's face it, nobody wants that and I don't want to type it all out anyway. I just look at how different everything is, how set in my ways I used to be and how certain I was in where things were headed. I think of how comfortable I was in having a daily routine. The things that used to trigger stress is far from the free spirit that I'm slowly seeing myself become. There is so much to look forward to but at the same time, a lot of uncertainty. While that uncertainty used to bring about panic attacks and anxiety, it now brings excitement and eagerness. It's an odd feeling to anticipate the unknown. But I finally, for the first time in my life, feel like I'm on the path that I'm supposed to be on, even if I don't know what is yet laid out for me on said path. I find myself more willing to facing my fears, even if I still have to work myself up to it. The willingness and the anticipation are always there now. My second year in journalism is approaching next month and I'm looking forward to what's in store. I'm looking forward to seeing my classmates again and being back in the classroom, which is something I never expected to hear come from my own lips.

     I don't want to sit and ramble on all night, but be prepared that this where it will happen in the future. I hope you all keep coming back and checking it out, as I plan to submit something every week. Sometimes more, who knows. All I hope is that people read it. I look forward to continuing to develop as a writer and a journalist and having all of you along for the journey.


-KJM